How Do We Make Sure Escorts Are Actually Independent/In Control Of Their Own Choices?

Basically as the title says, what are some steps to take to guarantee an escort is not in a coercive situation and is actually independent?

I can think of some precautions like post count on Lyla, has a professional website of their own, has a schedule/isn't available 24/7, is willing to talk on the phone before meeting up, drives her own vehicle or uses a professional cab/transport company, the list goes on, but how do any of us really know for sure?

I know it's kind of the elephant in the room that nobody wants to talk about but i'm trying to figure out the best way to move forward in this hobby without repeating past mistakes.

I've been spending far to much time on backpage and have been oblivious to the potential dangers involved in that for myself and those whom I'm spending time with.

From now on I'd like to do everything possibly to be reasonably sure that the women I see have chosen this lifestyle of their own free will. Otherwise there would be no reason for me to continue, as I can't risk supporting those who might take freedoms away from people I enjoy time with and care deeply about.

So if anyone has anything to ad to my list of precautions I would be happy to hear it, currently I will only see providers that meet the following requirements:

Has a dedicated independent website (not an agency).

Is well reviewed/popular.

Answers the phone.

Not available 24/7 and requires advanced booking.

Ideally screens their clients first by name, and requires references (but this might be tricky for me at first as I'm unemployed and only have 1 reliable reference).

Ideally has a high post count on Lyla, taking part in various discussions.

No suspicious looking "drivers".

Of course many will have the argument that I am being too strict, and that newbies to the provider business won't be able to see. For the most part that is unfortunately true, although I may let 1-2 requirements slide if everything else checks out.

Gone are the days when I can feel okay with texting a discounted rate bp girl, with only 30 min notice. We all have a responsibility for the well being of others, even if we aren't directly responsible for the unhealthy/abusive situations of some women.

A cheeky response,

the same way we know everyone we just met is drug and STI free

May be classier the in call location better the chances that the provider is independent? I have no experience in CANADA but in Australia, most forced working girls had a different kind of aura, you can tell within a few minutes that something is wrong.

There may not really be a way to *for sure* tell.. and I have to say that some of your methods listed may not apply either...<grin> myself, I do not drive, so.... does that mean I am coersed? <grin> I take a bus if I am doing an outcall usually hehe...

I am ok with texting once in a while, when no other method works.. but preferrrr to not have clients with my cell number (used to and was inundated by calls/msgs at all hours, so that is now reserved for those I know well....) so again...<I am good at being a smart*ss hehe> does this mean I am being coerced or in something I do not enjoy? hehe nope.. just my own circumstances/preferrrrences ;)

although I do have quite the post count on here... <grin> have a lovely website...and do enjoy my sleep so am never available 24/7 (although.... some nights that may take care of not being able to sleep hehe)

I think there *may* be a few things that may be an indication of 'why' a woman is doing what she is.. 'unclean' and/or unkempt....(clothes, hair or body)....trackmarks on body..... lack of affect..... 'sickly' complexion (drugs/depression)....that may/not attribute to something 'sketchy'.. but again, not concrete so.. I suppose it would be yet another form of 'buyer beware'... listen to your gut.. if it seems sketchy.. then it won't be fun... so try another ;)

Being particularly picky helps to a degree. Age is a factor for me. Observing. Only interested in the potential for a "regular". Developing a rapport prior to making a booking is helpful as well (lots can't be bothered) so I move on. It's a want to not need to so I can go months without seeing any one.

Peace

MG

There may not really be a way to *for sure* tell.. and I have to say that some of your methods listed may not apply either...<grin> myself, I do not drive, so.... does that mean I am coersed? <grin> I take a bus if I am doing an outcall usually hehe...

I am ok with texting once in a while, when no other method works.. but preferrrr to not have clients with my cell number (used to and was inundated by calls/msgs at all hours, so that is now reserved for those I know well....) so again...<I am good at being a smart*ss hehe> does this mean I am being coerced or in something I do not enjoy? hehe nope.. just my own circumstances/preferrrrences ;)

although I do have quite the post count on here... <grin> have a lovely website...and do enjoy my sleep so am never available 24/7 (although.... some nights that may take care of not being able to sleep hehe)

 

I think there *may* be a few things that may be an indication of 'why' a woman is doing what she is.. 'unclean' and/or unkempt....(clothes, hair or body)....trackmarks on body..... lack of affect..... 'sickly' complexion (drugs/depression)....that may/not attribute to something 'sketchy'.. but again, not concrete so.. I suppose it would be yet another form of 'buyer beware'... listen to your gut.. if it seems sketchy.. then it won't be fun... so try another ;)

Well, some things score you more points than others ;)

I'm okay with seeing a woman arrive in a public bus, it's the sketchy white vans with blacked out windows that really give me reason to worry.

Your high post count and website would allay a lot of my concerns, though it would still be nice to be able to call you after initial emails/contact, it probably wouldn't disqualify you.

I don't think it is always so black and white. I've just gained control of what I would call sex addiction, and I've seen some pretty sketchy things. Like a girl with a massive burn on her arm and covered in tattoos. I mean sure she is bubbly/seemingly happy and politely explains away the burn as having been inflicted due to her clumsiness, but it cast a lot of doubt in my mind. Another girl I recently spent time with seemed so incredibly reserved/quiet, she assured me it was just her personality after I asked her what was wrong, but it still casts doubt in my mind.

I think it's important to put some thought into this, as I haven't in the past. If legalization/regulation were a thing here it would be so much easier, but all the while it isn't I think we have a responsibility (however small) as clients to do what we can.

Answers the phone.

 

Hmm...

 

What if she is with a client when you call? At a Doctor's appointment? With a friend? Sick? Doing her groceries and cannot pick up the phone at this exact time? Swimming? (those who know me will understand). The list is long. An escort has a life like anybody else' date=' and sometimes not answering the phone is the appropriate thing to do. What if she answered the phone while she is with you? I am sure you would not appreciate that...

 

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Ideally has a high post count on Lyla, taking part in various discussions.

Another hmm...

 

What if she has another occupation, a busy personal schedule, children, studies? Etc.

 

Setting your own criteria to decide if a Service Provider is independent or not, why not, but please use common sense. We do have a life too...

 

1) Then she'll probably miss my call, and I'll spend my time with the other girl who does answer the phone. Unfortunate for those who have genuine reasons to not pick up the phone, but I'm more concerned about protecting those who don't have a choice in this matter than I am about protecting the income of an escort who isn't available to take my call.

 

The answer to your second quote is the same as my answer to the above.

Not trying to be confrontational here, but I am concerned with doing the right thing more than I am concerned with missing out on spending time with any one person. If you don't answer the phone the first time I'll probably try back in a few weeks anyways ;)

 

Besides, you don't need to meet all criteria, and some are weighted more heavily than others. If you don't have a high post count on Lyla but everything else checks out then odds are I will be more than happy to meet you.

One thought.

Mark down who you like and who is advertising currently. Take a break, meditate, yoga or what ever clears your mind up from the situation that brought this thought to the forefront.

After some time, check out the ads again for the ladies that drew your attention. If they are still there and you think they appear to be independent, let reasonableness be your guide.

If you make a mistake at that point, take it as experience and adjust your plan.

I've been in an unsure situation before. I paid the SP, and left. No trouble for me, and hopefully less trouble for her.

If I am going to play, I cant be the umpire.

Note: I have, and continue to use agencies, and non-lyla sps, so bear this in mind.

Well, some things score you more points than others ;)

I'm okay with seeing a woman arrive in a public bus, it's the sketchy white vans with blacked out windows that really give me reason to worry.

Your high post count and website would allay a lot of my concerns, though it would still be nice to be able to call you after initial emails/contact, it probably wouldn't disqualify you.

I don't think it is always so black and white. I've just gained control of what I would call sex addiction, and I've seen some pretty sketchy things. Like a girl with a massive burn on her arm and covered in tattoos. I mean sure she is bubbly/seemingly happy and politely explains away the burn as having been inflicted due to her clumsiness, but it cast a lot of doubt in my mind. Another girl I recently spent time with seemed so incredibly reserved/quiet, she assured me it was just her personality after I asked her what was wrong, but it still casts doubt in my mind.

I think it's important to put some thought into this, as I haven't in the past. If legalization/regulation were a thing here it would be so much easier, but all the while it isn't I think we have a responsibility (however small) as clients to do what we can.

I have a number of lovely tattoos... a matched set on my upper arms actually.. and panning for at least one more verrry lovely large piece on my back (next birthday present to myself hehe) and know a number of women who are literaly 'covered' in them... and they are not in any way being abused... that one I find a bit weird ... have to say ;)

As far as talking on the phone with me.... hehe I normally do not.. I prefer to keep my phone for those who have already met me, or others that fall into different categories (family, friends, 'legit' business'... and I don't typically budge from that one... I do run an entire 'legit' clinic.. and being on the phone, potentially in front of a 'regular therapy' client while attempting to discuss parrrrrticulars of a s3xual nature... nooooot ever going to happen....

I do commend you on attempting to gain control over a sex addiction.. but I think you are putting far too much energy into figuring out who is being 'harmed' and who isn't...and not sure how that factors into your gaining control over your own situation ;)

... may sound cold but.. it really isn't your concern...(someone had to say it hehe)... more simply put.. and has been said already, by myself as well as others.. go with what you are comfortable with.. and not which you are not.

...and I really am curious as to how many providers you have encountered that approach your home (??) in a 'sketchy' black-windowed white van? ;)

I once heard a saying that I think is the single most brilliant thing I have ever been told; "If you have a problem, and there *is* a solution.. then don't worry (after all, you *can* fix it).. If you have a problem... and there is... *noo* solution (as in no matter what you do/try/think/feel.. you cannot change/alter/fix) then... don't worry" ;) - Buddah

I understand, I think, what you are getting at... and for some young (and I stress *young*) women, there *may* be the odd one who is in fact under the influence of some lazy @ss who figures he can use her as a meal ticket rather than be a man and get his own job <grin>.. but those, in this level of the industry from what I have seen/experienced anyway.. are thankfully few and far between.......

...and I fully agree with the recent comment as far as who made you think to post this in the first place... and why... meditate.. (it really does help) and if you still feel skittish on this person.. then don't see them :)

...as an aside.. and again, I 'get it'.. and i personally am not offended, but some women *might* be... at your comments regarding 'scoring points in some areas....' or 'qualifying' ;) may draw out some claws in some ladies - as competitive as some areas of this industry may be.. it isn't 'actually' a contest, just in your own mind ;)

Interested to know more about the verification process here on Lyla. I didn't put a lot of faith in verification in the past but maybe there is something I missed.

I'm not sure why you feel the need to take this personally Helena, I'm sure there are plenty of men who would do just the same as I did in the past and see providers without any of my criteria.

I view this the same as I view any business, if a business provides a phone number and they pick up the phone then I feel better about dealing with them.

As I said, the very fact you are posting actively would allay any of my concerns, although It doesn't seem like we would get along very well in any case.

I have a number of lovely tattoos... a matched set on my upper arms actually.. and panning for at least one more verrry lovely large piece on my back (next birthday present to myself hehe) and know a number of women who are literaly 'covered' in them... and they are not in any way being abused... that one I find a bit weird ... have to say ;)

 

As far as talking on the phone with me.... hehe I normally do not.. I prefer to keep my phone for those who have already met me, or others that fall into different categories (family, friends, 'legit' business'... and I don't typically budge from that one... I do run an entire 'legit' clinic.. and being on the phone, potentially in front of a 'regular therapy' client while attempting to discuss parrrrrticulars of a s3xual nature... nooooot ever going to happen....

 

I do commend you on attempting to gain control over a sex addiction.. but I think you are putting far too much energy into figuring out who is being 'harmed' and who isn't...and not sure how that factors into your gaining control over your own situation ;)

... may sound cold but.. it really isn't your concern...(someone had to say it hehe)... more simply put.. and has been said already, by myself as well as others.. go with what you are comfortable with.. and not which you are not.

 

I once heard a saying that I think is the single most brilliant thing I have ever been told; "If you have a problem, and there *is* a solution.. then don't worry (after all, you *can* fix it).. If you have a problem... and there is... *noo* solution (as in no matter what you do/try/think/feel.. you cannot change/alter/fix) then... don't worry" ;) - Buddah

 

I understand, I think, what you are getting at... and for some young (and I stress *young*) women, there *may* be the odd one who is in fact under the influence of some lazy @ss who figures he can use her as a meal ticket rather than be a man and get his own job <grin>.. but those, in this level of the industry from what I have seen/experienced anyway.. are thankfully few and far between.......

 

...and I fully agree with the recent comment as far as who made you think to post this in the first place... and why... meditate.. (it really does help) and if you still feel skittish on this person.. then don't see them :)

 

...as an aside.. and again, I 'get it'.. and i personally am not offended, but some women *might* be... at your comments regarding 'scoring points in some areas....' or 'qualifying' ;) may draw out some claws in some ladies - as competitive as some areas of this industry may be.. it isn't 'actually' a contest, just in your own mind ;)

I don't mean just any tattoos. Some are very well done. Crude gang signs and named however are a different story.

I don't think this was the best place to get unfiltered opinions on this. Why is it escorts are never willing to say that anything is ever the client's responsibility? Is it not my responsibility to be began or ethically source meat to avoid supporting what other unintelligent, unsympathetic people are doing in regards to factory farming.

I choose to live my life with the well-being of other people in mind. If someone wants to live their life entirely for themselves then so be it.

It's not rocket science and red flags are readily apparent if you pay attention. As with any thing in life common sense..... is just that common sense.

I have a strict criteria I developed for me through trial and error of course and I stick to and its serves me well. I can tell almost instantly whether to delve further into something or not.

Peace

MG

All right fair enough, and thank you to everyone for your thoughts. I didn't mean for this to get out of hand. I just need a certain amount of reassurance to feel comfortable with meeting someone.

These aren't "rules" per say, just guidelines to add to my comfort level when meeting someone new.

Capital c, I'm a bit confused at your last comment?

Earlier on you concede that a phone call is a more personal way to get to know someone than an email, but you think I shouldn't prefer talking on the phone over an email/text?

The reality is there are many cases of confirmed trafficking in my area, the police have released a lot information surrounding this and they have provided a lot of tips to look out for on bp ads.

Things like girls who work 24/7, or who only offer texting (sometimes indicating the girl is not controlling her own phone number).

Of course this isn't everything, and a high class escort with a website and reviews isn't likely to be in that situation.

Please understand that I'm not just talking out of my behind here, I appreciate that you are taking the time to reasonably explain your point of view on this Capital C, and I would greatly appreciate if everyone here can do the same.

If you have an issue with my reasoning then please provide insight into your own reasoning, don't just dismiss me and call my thoughts nonsense. If there are other pertinent forum threads then provide some links, if you have a link to the verification process then by all means send it along.

I have already stated that the phone call is just one thing that adds to my personal comfort level, not that it is a deal breaker nor should it be a hard and fast rule for everyone. Hopefully there won't be any more confusion on the topic.

Best regards, and apologies for not providing a more in depth explanation of my anxiety earlier on.

Well, some things score you more points than others ;)

I'm okay with seeing a woman arrive in a public bus, it's the sketchy white vans with blacked out windows that really give me reason to worry.

 

Your high post count and website would allay a lot of my concerns, though it would still be nice to be able to call you after initial emails/contact, it probably wouldn't disqualify you.

 

I don't think it is always so black and white. I've just gained control of what I would call sex addiction, and I've seen some pretty sketchy things. Like a girl with a massive burn on her arm and covered in tattoos. I mean sure she is bubbly/seemingly happy and politely explains away the burn as having been inflicted due to her clumsiness but it cast a lot of doubt in my mind. Another girl I recently spent time with seemed so incredibly reserved/quiet, she assured me it was just her personality after I asked her what was wrong, but it still casts doubt in my mind.

 

I think it's important to put some thought into this, as I haven't in the past. If legalization/regulation were a thing here it would be so much easier, but all the while it isn't I think we have a responsibility (however small) as clients to do what we can.

Some of your criteria seems arbitrary, such as answers her phone. How is that indicative of independence or coercion? In fact, not answering her phone right away might be a better indicator of independence and lack of coercion. Someone who answers a phone on the first ring could be an indication of desperation and/or denial of other life obligations? Just speculating here but requiring she answer her phone seems more about satisfying a need for a quick fix. If you're not horny and not seeking a quick fix, just leave a message. She'll get in touch. If she doesn't, that's indicative of poor service, not coercion.

I applaud your approach regarding not wanting to coerce a lady in this business. From reading your post you don't seem new to this lifestyle, so just follow your gut, not your dick.

A few other criteria I recommend is to stick with classier sites such as lyla. You could also seek ladies who charge more. Nothing wrong with ladies on here who charge less but, if you are extremely concerned about taking advantage of a lady, high fees can be a better indicator of a truly independent lifestyle.

Good luck!

I don't mean just any tattoos. Some are very well done. Crude gang signs and named however are a different story.

I don't think this was the best place to get unfiltered opinions on this. Why is it escorts are never willing to say that anything is ever the client's responsibility? Is it not my responsibility to be began or ethically source meat to avoid supporting what other unintelligent, unsympathetic people are doing in regards to factory farming.

I choose to live my life with the well-being of other people in mind. If someone wants to live their life entirely for themselves then so be it.

...It is most certainly a good place to get opinions.. especially 'unfiltered' ones (both the good and the bad I find, are always best)... :)

and yet again... as has been mentioned tons of times on here... going with what *you* feel comfortable with...following gut... doing homework... NOT only basing whether you deal with someone as to whether they have a tattoo of a name - could be their much-loved grandmother's name *I* have one on the small of my back.. a heart with a banner that turns into an arrow, pointing down my @ss <grin>.. and the 'name'on the banner.....is 'HIS' hehe love it as do people lucky enough to have seen it hehe :)

....or whether they pick up the phone asap when you call... leave a detailed msg (clients are baaaad for that!....).... as chances are good that most of us are busy, with this work, or other.. or life in general hehe and don't always rush to pick up the phone.... *that* to me also.. would scream desperation....

Nobody can tell outright and definitively whether someone is doing whatever they are doing because they 'truly' want to... although those of us ladies on here... rest assured.. are here because we love what we do ;) BP and other places.. again, can't say without an absolute doubt.... but that is where your own thoughts/feelings/gut/instincts come into play..... and nobody can do that for you, except you :)

I'm not intending to come off as harsh.. but I do have a very blunt nature... hehe usually good-natured... so please don't take offence.. it's just one of those 'it is what it is' sort of scenarios and you take from i twhat you want/need... and don't worry about the rest..

**Of course, if you are ever in a situation with a woman where she appears to be 'recently' injured... frightened... or 'something' is just 'off'..... perhaps she is in need of help....and I would hope someone would ask/offer.....

but I wouldn't suggest going looking for it <sketchiness>....where it isn't there <hugs>

I commend you for being conscientious and not wanting to contribute to an individual's exploitation. Being an ethical consumer is great.

 

However, I think your criteria oversimplifies and doesn't really reflect reality. The vast, vast majority of sex workers don't have a pimp and aren't being coerced into working by an individual who is controlling their movement or taking their money. This does happen and is terrible, but rare.

 

However, capitalism is inherently coercive, and there is a huge spectrum that falls between the extremes of being forced to work through threats or violence, and doing this work because you love it, and would choose it over other really fulfilling options. Almost every sex worker you meet will fall somewhere on this spectrum, and very, very few will be at one extreme or the other.

 

Reality is that except for a very privileged few, we all have to work to pay the bills, have a place to live, and function in society. The social safety net is insufficient and so many people who need it can't access it. Minimum wage hasn't kept pace with inflation, and many full time jobs don't pay enough to live on. The requirement to work is inherently coercive, most sex workers decide for themselves that this type of work is the best option for them within an inherently coercive system (and this is true of most jobs, not just sex work.) I know plenty of sex workers who hate doing sex work but choose to, because all the other options are worse, and plenty who enjoy doing sex work but would quit in a heartbeat if they no longer needed the income from it. Neither group are coerced by an individual, but by the system we live in.

 

I would encourage everyone to figure out for themselves what criteria feels comfortable and ethical and stick to those criteria for themselves, but also remember that most sex workers aren't being coerced or exploited by an individual, and still need good, respectful clients so they can continue making a living.

 

For clients who are concerned about the welfare of sex workers, I would encourage you to be the best client you can be in individual interactions - show up, tip, respect boundaries and consent, respect the screening process. And more importantly, get involved with pushing for decriminalization, strengthening the social safety net, and ensuring that other jobs are a viable choice. Working to create a world where people who are being exploited can get help without fear of being arrested, deported, abused by police, or having their children seized, and where people who don't want to do sex work have a full range of other options readily available, is really the only way to ensure that the sex worker you're seeing freely and enthusiastically choose the work.

I do understand this reality, but anything I can do to potentially reduce the chances is fine with me, of course some things reduce the chances more than others, just staying off backpage for awhile is probably a good first step.

Yes there are downsides to capitalism, particularly as it drifts farther and farther toward extreme segregation of the rich and poor, but that is most certainly beyond my direct control, and I do agree that sex work provides opportunity to many who would otherwise be without a livelihood in this system.

To be perfectly honest I sometimes find myself tempering an unconscious resentment of women because they have this opportunity to make 100's of $ an hour that men don't really have (outside of gay escorting).

It's a silly resentment considering that I am personally rather well off at the moment, but I can't help but feel sympathy for the uneducated men who are forced to resort to dangerous trades like construction work at 30$ an hour just to get by. I imagine many of those men would prefer to be escorts, but the reality is that men simply have a higher desire to seek sex than women do.

I appreciate your advice Regent :)

Good points Kathryn, though I've meet some girls who do little more than answer the phone (outcall only, no fancy lingerie or makeup, no website etc) and they still pull in 240 an hour+ transportation. I guess it depends on the experience men are looking for, some guys like me aren't very picky ;)

What do you mean Genevieve? It seems women have pretty much gained equal opportunity. There are a few trades that women may not excel at for sure, just as there are a few that men might not excel at.

I know there is the glass ceiling debate, but it seems tough to pin down whether it is due to discrimination or life choices (raising children will take years of job experience after all). There is also the suggestion of a glass floor for women (more of a safety net, indicated by the vast numbers of homeless men vs homeless women).

I don't mean to complain though, I've really had quite an easy life compared to most.

Like I said it is an unconcious/irrational resentment, probably based on the generalization that the majority of men desire sex more than the majority of women.

Petty thoughts like that are difficult to stamp out and can breed resentment if left unchecked. Rationally there are of course certain things that women desire more than men, so there isn't really a power imbalance.