how do you keep from getting caught

Hi!

Newbie question: What precautions should one take to keep one's hobbyist activities unnoticed by one's spouse?

Well here's what I do to be discrete, with the caveat, I'm single

1. Get a web based email address (ie gmail etc) Don't use the shared email at home, or in my case, my "official" LOL email address

2. Delete your browsing history after every time on the computer, and no favorites related to this lifestyle saved on your computer

3. Cash only. Even hotels (including major chains) will accept cash. They only use the cc for reservations, just tell them you want to pay cash. All costs for this lifestyle I pay in cash, even money to buy gas for the trip

4. Get a disposable cell phone, that only you know about.

That's just a few things you can do

Others who are married, may have more ideas

RG

Get a 'hobby phone' which is usually a 7-Eleven SpeakOut phone. Google it for more info.

If you create an account on CERB or TERB don't post. That way if your SO ever finds that you logged into the site at least there are no posts indicating you ever did anything other than 'window shopping' or 'curious research'.

Take out cash slowly - no single large withdrawal that can be linked to an activity.

Find a good excuse when you go. There are entire threads on this topic. Many find daytime appointments work well if their SO doesn't contact them frequently at work.

I got divorced before I did any hobbying, but that might be a little too extreme. lol.

RoamingGuy's suggestion to use a disposable cell phone is good, but you will have to get rid of it each time. If your wife finds it, you will have a very difficult time explaining that. Alternatively, if you use your regular cell phone, be certain to delete all call history or text messages to/from the ladies. And don't keep their particulars in your contacts.

if you come hone late....and smell of any perfume.....tell her the truth......she will not believe you......tadaa......

seriously...do above.....

if you come hone late....and smell of any perfume.....tell her the truth......she will not believe you......tadaa......

 

seriously...do above.....

Or just stopped by the peeler bar with a couple of co-workers, better than the truth, lol

Something else to consider is a savings/chequing account(at a different bank than you and your SO bank at) Build up a cash reserve in this account and draw from it so large withdrawls of money never get noticed

For those pesky statements, have them mailed to work or rent a postal box

or just see if the bank will do all statements on-line

http://www.canadapost.ca/cpo/mc/personal/ratesprices/receive/postalbox.jsf

Just a thought or two

RG

I've been asked this question by clients in the past. What I've told them is that you need to believe that your SO is THE smartest woman on the planet and conduct yourself accordingly. Clean your computer. Clean your cell phone. Create another Hotmail or Yahoo account and don't use the same passwords that you use for other accounts and/or websites. Make sure that your computer doesn't have a keystroke program or NetNanny installed (for your kids) whereby she can find out where you've been even if you've cleaned your computer. If you use Firefox, don't click on "Remember password for this site". Take a shower before you leave the incall location. Request that the SP not wear perfume or perfumed lotion. A second cell phone is risky also. Make sure it never comes home with you. Most importantly, don't change your routine and don't make up elaborate stories to cover your tracks. If you say you are going to Home Depot, make sure you bring something back in a Home Depot bag.

Don't underestimate just how deep your SO will delve if she has a suspicion that you aren't being honest.

Also, something for all hobbiests to consider is that the more careful you are, the better you protect US from having to deal with your SO's wrath. I HATE getting phone calls and emails from wives.

Getting a late start here, but:

1. Have your own computer and use private browsing. Always clear cookies.

2. Try to plan cash withdrawals to they are not big (better yet, just save some of your own cash on the side.

3. Agreed as to using your own gmail (or similar internet based) address ... that you keep entirely personal and confidential.

4. Get a pay as you go phone and figure out a way to pay for it without putting changes on your mutual credit card.

get a divorce,

I look at it like a criminal. If you keep on doing it and everything goes by without a hitch, eventually you will slip up because of carelessness or the attitude you are so good at it.

Ask police and most repeat criminals how they end up getting caught? It is from doing the same thing, the same way over and over. If you are being watched because of this activity, the ones who get caught first are the ones who do the same thing over and over, then one day slip up and get caught.

All the previous advice is very good, but I encourage you to make sure you mix it up a lot, and before the little head does all the thinking be sure you have gone through your plan in detail with your big head.

Or be single and carry on in free spirit!!!

4. Get a pay as you go phone and figure out a way to pay for it without putting changes on your mutual credit card.

Top-up cards, paid for with cash (or maybe just hidden in the middle of a long list of groceries).

Don't keep a record of anything and with every lie you have to tell, make sure there is a substantial amount of truth to it, for it is easy to tell the truth without changing your story. Don't elaborate on any story, don't offer extra details, and don't shy away from eye contact. Above all, weigh the risks. If it isn't worth the risk of being caught, don't do it.

get a divorce,

I'm with you fister! You won't get caught though if you don't cheat!!!! Otherwise, get a divorce.

I would not recommend the idea of deleting your history all the time, it would be best to not use a computer you share at all. The deleting of history itself, brings much suspicion.

I would not recommend the idea of deleting your history all the time, it would be best to not use a computer you share at all. The deleting of history itself, brings much suspicion.

Just use Chrome and open an 'Incognito window'. When closed it erases the cookies and history from that window only. I agree deleting the whole browser's history is likely to raise suspicions.

And hang one of these on your doorknob, no suspicion aroused at all

Sorry, just a little, yes very little :-) humour

RG

being someone new on here,I really value the info on here. Some of this info is very intuitive and I never thought of, such as the bank account at another location, disposable cell phone, etc. all great ideas.

I am going to continue to read these posts so that I can become better acquainted with the way of things, that way I don't have to worry about the SO, thanks everyone!

I think the first thing you need to do is take stock of your life, your marriage or relationship, your work, your unfulfilled longings and desires. What is it that you really, really want? Are you absolutely certain that you can't get it at home? Is it that time has gone by and you think it's too late to turn up the heat or add a little spice? Are you ashamed or embarrassed to want whatever it is that's ruling your fantasies--so much so that you can't face the prospect of telling your partner but you can discuss it with a stranger who you can be pretty sure will be receptive or, at least, not judge you?

What about your emotional life? This is the tricky thing! If you're feeling that you miss romance, heated intimacy, the chance to share something secret, passionate and beautiful, something that you will always remember in a hazy, golden sort of way... If what you really want is to fall in love, however temporarily or even frequently, you need to sit down and work through things very carefully.

If you're wanting a way to relieve a bit of stress, engage in some kind of kinky play or fulfill a fantasy, that's great. We can do that. But if you're feeling emotionally unfulfilled, you're setting yourself, your partner and possibly your paid companion up for a lot of grief. The companion will probably send you packing in fairly short order, if she's smart. You and your family will have a lot to sort through and it won't be pretty. In other words: work on your relationship or get out of it as cleanly as possible before you start to play because you will definitely get caught. Your boundaries won't be firm, you won't think straight, you will make assumptions about yourself, your partner and your companion that no reasonable person would make. You may imagine that you can get away with it but, trust me, that's your first self-deception.

However, if you want something that's simply fun, no-strings-attached, valuable, but not a replacement for any of the key life needs that everyone has, then you must be very, very careful about everything you do. Elizabeth pointed out the importance of thinking of your partner as THE most perceptive woman in the world. Elizabeth is wise: listen to her. Women always know their partners better than anyone else does and just about always better than the men themselves. We're wired that way.

I always know a great deal more about my clients than they're aware of. Always. The ones who are too obsessed with keeping details to themselves and revealing nothing at all are, in my books, unsafe potential clients. Fortunately, these are rare. Most men trip up all over the place. If they're having trouble lying to me, it's pretty much a sure thing that the women who know them well aren't fooled unless they want to be. A couple of my finest regular clients were up-front with me from the outset. They told me who they were, where they worked, what they do, etc. and expected me to help them keep everything private. We've gotten along nicely for several years, perhaps because they didn't have to juggle too many lies and deceptions.

I found this on another site:

What do you say if your SO finds your hobby phone?

Oh that? Thats an old phone about three phones ago. I lost it and it just resurfaced...dont know what to do with it. I heard you can donate these to the needy or veterns so i was saving it for that...or maybe i'll save it as a back up.

Or

Oh that phone....That's Jimmy from work. I dropped him off at the body shop Friday and he left it in the front seat of my car. I got to get that back to him.

Or

Thats my new work phone. they were calling me on my personal cell and I complained and they gave me one for business only.

This is what works for me so far (and all have been suggested so far by others in this thread):

- separate bank account at a bank that you & your SO do not go to at all but is close to your work/office. Then every pay cheque (or every other one, however you want to work out your #'s) take out small amounts of cash that you can explain away (e.g. beers with the guys, gambling, smokes, whatever) and deposit into your poon account. Then you can withdraw from that account whenever you set up an appointment without having to hide it somehow from your SO :)

- separate phone: get a pay-as-you-go phone from 7-Eleven etc (Speakout is the best because you only need to top it up once a year). And of course pay this phone with cash and no credit cards!

- browsing/researching: it's tough to do this at home as deleting browsing history raises suspicion and of course you can't do this on the work computer either! If you have a close friend who's single, ask to borrow his computer, or get a smartphone that can browse web and do your search on that (it's $10/month extra on Speakout and of course you need to shell out more for a better phone)

- don't bring the poon bank card or phone home, leave them in the office or a friend's place.

Anyways, good luck and happy pooning to all :)

I find this situation easy to avoid, either:

1) Dump the spouse; or

2) Get one whom does not make you feel like hobbying anymore; or

3) Get one whom appreciates you and your hobby.

Works for me - never been caught - EVER!! ;)

Good Luck!

I find this situation easy to avoid, either:

 

1) Dump the spouse; or

2) Get one whom does not make you feel like hobbying anymore; or

3) Get one whom appreciates you and your hobby.

 

Works for me - never been caught - EVER!! ;)

Good Luck!

LOL, I'm guessing you went with option 1 or 3

i like alot of the suggestions given, it can all get ind of confusing and overwhelming if you take it on to fast but your best bet for the basic security is the seperate bank account at the very least, it allows for more privacy, the cell phone can get a bit expensive but can be useful and if you use e-mail to contact sps or mas then a dif e-mail is a neccesity :) happy hobbying everyone! play safe

zoro